Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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