i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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