I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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