He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
