I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
