Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
