This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
