I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
