The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
40s are totally the cure
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
