they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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