I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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