I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
