It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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