so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
