I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
