Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
