i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
