i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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