u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
