I could make wine with my vomit
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
