her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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