The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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