the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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