woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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