whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
