ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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