thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
