I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
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