2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am naked and annoyed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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