so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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