Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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