dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
