i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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