ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
They have beer where we have blood.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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