I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
