I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
