There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
