You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
