Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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