i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
