I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
