Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
