capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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