When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize