I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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