Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
