If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
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