would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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