In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
