I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
