id be glad to
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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