Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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